I can just hear it now, “why is your blog called “A small town girl at heart” when you talk about subject relating to home, be it cleaning products, food, recipes, personal care products, weight loss, and everything like that?”
I am going to attempt to explain it as best as possible so hopefully most of you will understand where I am coming from and how I came to the name I chose.
I grew up in the city, but from the time I was about 11 or 12, I felt like there was more to life, or a part of me missing. I also never really felt at home where I lived. Growing up there weren’t really many kids on my street, let alone my age, and it really wasn’t the kind of place where kids played outside, or walked down the street to their friends house.
At the age of 17, I was looking at colleges two of my top three were in neighboring cities about 2.5 hours away from where I grew up. The third was in this tiny little town in the middle of nowhere. At some point before looking at colleges, I had said to myself “I could never live in a small town”. Then I started going on college visits. The first one I had visited was the largest and most urban, but it terrified me and felt all wrong, the second one was still urban, but was not as terrifying, and wouldn’t have been bad. I went on my third college visit to the college in the small town in the middle of nowhere. It was set with the coast range mountains as a backdrop, the campus was beautiful, but definitely smaller than either of the other two, and most of the buildings lined the Main Street. It was still a little intimidating but something it felt normal and right. I still went on a second campus tour of the second college I had looked at, because it was down to that one and the third college. It was a good school, but every thing inside of me was screaming to go to Western. Before I committed to it I wanted to go on a second tour of school #3, and I knew it was the school for me, it just felt right. So fast forward a few months, and I got my acceptance letter to the school of my choice. Fast forward to the next fall, my first term of college, that was a tough term, dealing with the insanity (for me anyway) of living in the dorm, getting used to being on my own, and college. I had wanted to pack up and move back to the city. My mom made me stay, which now I am glad she did. I moved out of the dorms into a crappy apartment, and life improved a little bit. I still hated that apartment, but I loved that town, and the school and the life I was building there. It was while I was living in that apartment that I began understanding who I was and who I was supposed to become. As crappy as it was that apartment was still my first real home, as much as I hated it, I couldn’t wait to get back to it from the city. It was while living in that apartment that I realized I wasn’t supposed to become a teacher in the traditional, get up every day and teach in a school setting, so I changed my major. I am so glad I did, that following summer I moved into my second apartment, which was in the top floor, and was so much better than the first apartment I had. It was cleaner, newer and larger as well. It was at that point I really knew what home was, and could be like. I lived in that apartment for two years, and it was amazing. I loved living in those two small towns, i knew I was home.
Home is different for everyone, for me home includes living in a small town, and having my own place to decorate, clean, maintain. Where I can cook and bake in my own kitchen, and so much more. When I think about home I think about that Apartment in the small town in the middle of nowhere. I left my heart there when I had to move back to the city after college.
Having developed food sensitivities and intolerances has forced me to change how I cook, bake and view food in general. It has also forced me to see how I am tearing my body, and how I view myself. That also goes into how others view me. I have known it for a while that I really need to focus on doing what I need to do for me, even when it isn’t easy. I have also come to the realization I need to get my weight under control again, for many reasons. These reasons include my self confidence and self esteem, as well as being able to do more of what I love as have the endurance to challenge myself. With food intolerances I do a lot more cooking for myself. Along with that comes choices about what I put in my body, and how once I get my own place again, I want to do more homesteading and “old fashioned” kind of stuff. I want to have a garden, then make jam and do some canning during the summer months. So as you might have guessed the whole food and what I eat also ties into the concept of home.
It took going away for college, and a good year and a half there for me to realize that small town and country life (as well as learning from the women in history, and carrying on that history to preserve it and teach it by living it), is so ingrained in my blood and my heart and has been from the time I was young.
One day I hope to back to a small town or out in the country and live the life I have spent the past decade fighting for, and embrace the woman who God would have me to be.